the will to cry

why cant i cry. i want to.. i havent been able to cry in a long long time. sometimes i can force a tear out. but thats all. i want to cry. get it all out. but i just feel numb. sad numb and regretful, hopeless. i want to be happy. too not miss him. i want to get over it. but i cant if i cant even cry over it. nothing phases me anymore.nothing matters anymore..